I’ve been pondering this extremely common question, which we often direct towards God, and the more I think about it, the more I reckon it’s totally unhelpful, borderline destructive.
Obviously we are asking this question when circumstances don’t make sense and are usually turning out in a way we aren’t happy with, don’t think is right, seems out of line with our expectations of God and of what our life should look like. I’d been thinking about this anyway, and then I had a car crash. Towards the end of last year, I came around a bend on a wet day too fast, lost control of the car, and it hit the curb and tumbled into a tree. Within seconds, a paramedic was at my window, because I had crashed out the front of his house. I was completely unhurt. There was no one else on the road. My kids weren’t in the car. Brad was home and able to come down to the site within a few minutes. Obviously I was shaken up, but all my initial thoughts were about how my Father God had looked after me and orchestrated a minimal impact event, and I was thankful and at peace. 24hours later, I was making a cup of tea, and the question crossed my mind – Why? Why did God allow that? Why did that have to happen? And instantly, my peace shriveled up, and I started to try to make sense of a situation from my own puny perspective, without any understanding at all. Two things happened in that moment. 1. I directed my questioning at God, separating myself from Him as though He didn’t care. 2. I thought I needed to understand something that was completely beyond my ability to understand. On the contrary, before I asked why, I had assurance that God was with me and working for my good regardless of a bad situation. I had eyes to see where He was at work and how He was helping me and showing His love to me. This theory has been magnified to me as I consider the larger situations of life. Health, obviously, is the go-to unexplainable situation that dramatically affects us and has power to either derail us completely, or bring us closer to God. And I think what I am suggesting here can be applied to it. Personally, as I look back over the years, searching for reasons why I would be suffering with chronic migraines, and working towards undoing those potential reasons, has caused me a huge amount of stress. Not only in a normal, diet/natropath/chiropractor/osteopath kind of way, but also spiritually, going to countless prayer ministry sessions, having people tell me ‘it’s either something you’ve done, or something you’re currently doing’ like the whole thing was my fault and my responsibility to fix. I worked in this direction for years and years and would regularly flip between believing either there’s something wrong with God or there’s something wrong with me – either He doesn’t love me enough and thinks it’s necessary for me to suffer, or I’m doing something to partner with the enemy where all sickness and death come from. When there is no change for years and years and years, it honestly has the potential to send you crazy. So. Then I came across this reoccurring message of ‘acceptance’ – over an entire year – and in particular Amy Carmichael’s poem “In Acceptance Lieth Peace.” And as I began to let go of trying to change things in my own strength, and believing God loved me regardless of what was being allowed in my life, I began to find peace again. I also began to experience God’s love in deeper ways than I ever had before. By believing His love and not expecting it to be proved to me in a certain way, I was open to seeing it all around me. I often felt so much shame about never being able to achieve anything because I am so constantly incapacitated. But He said to me – “Never be ashamed to come to me. That you would love me, despite all the world has thrown at you, you are treasure indeed to me.” And so it’s my mandate, and in a sense it always has been, but it strengthens daily – that no matter what the world, or the devil, throws at me, I will never stop loving Jesus. Knowing He is for me and not against me, there is great peace. No need to ask why. Just focusing on where He is showing me His love and care in any and every situation.
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AuthorWe are Brad, Andy, Hunter and Belle. Hoping to keep you connected! Archives
May 2019
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