I’ve been pondering this extremely common question, which we often direct towards God, and the more I think about it, the more I reckon it’s totally unhelpful, borderline destructive.
Obviously we are asking this question when circumstances don’t make sense and are usually turning out in a way we aren’t happy with, don’t think is right, seems out of line with our expectations of God and of what our life should look like. I’d been thinking about this anyway, and then I had a car crash. Towards the end of last year, I came around a bend on a wet day too fast, lost control of the car, and it hit the curb and tumbled into a tree. Within seconds, a paramedic was at my window, because I had crashed out the front of his house. I was completely unhurt. There was no one else on the road. My kids weren’t in the car. Brad was home and able to come down to the site within a few minutes. Obviously I was shaken up, but all my initial thoughts were about how my Father God had looked after me and orchestrated a minimal impact event, and I was thankful and at peace. 24hours later, I was making a cup of tea, and the question crossed my mind – Why? Why did God allow that? Why did that have to happen? And instantly, my peace shriveled up, and I started to try to make sense of a situation from my own puny perspective, without any understanding at all. Two things happened in that moment. 1. I directed my questioning at God, separating myself from Him as though He didn’t care. 2. I thought I needed to understand something that was completely beyond my ability to understand. On the contrary, before I asked why, I had assurance that God was with me and working for my good regardless of a bad situation. I had eyes to see where He was at work and how He was helping me and showing His love to me. This theory has been magnified to me as I consider the larger situations of life. Health, obviously, is the go-to unexplainable situation that dramatically affects us and has power to either derail us completely, or bring us closer to God. And I think what I am suggesting here can be applied to it. Personally, as I look back over the years, searching for reasons why I would be suffering with chronic migraines, and working towards undoing those potential reasons, has caused me a huge amount of stress. Not only in a normal, diet/natropath/chiropractor/osteopath kind of way, but also spiritually, going to countless prayer ministry sessions, having people tell me ‘it’s either something you’ve done, or something you’re currently doing’ like the whole thing was my fault and my responsibility to fix. I worked in this direction for years and years and would regularly flip between believing either there’s something wrong with God or there’s something wrong with me – either He doesn’t love me enough and thinks it’s necessary for me to suffer, or I’m doing something to partner with the enemy where all sickness and death come from. When there is no change for years and years and years, it honestly has the potential to send you crazy. So. Then I came across this reoccurring message of ‘acceptance’ – over an entire year – and in particular Amy Carmichael’s poem “In Acceptance Lieth Peace.” And as I began to let go of trying to change things in my own strength, and believing God loved me regardless of what was being allowed in my life, I began to find peace again. I also began to experience God’s love in deeper ways than I ever had before. By believing His love and not expecting it to be proved to me in a certain way, I was open to seeing it all around me. I often felt so much shame about never being able to achieve anything because I am so constantly incapacitated. But He said to me – “Never be ashamed to come to me. That you would love me, despite all the world has thrown at you, you are treasure indeed to me.” And so it’s my mandate, and in a sense it always has been, but it strengthens daily – that no matter what the world, or the devil, throws at me, I will never stop loving Jesus. Knowing He is for me and not against me, there is great peace. No need to ask why. Just focusing on where He is showing me His love and care in any and every situation.
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Is immediate relief part of how God works? Sure. Jesus & his disciples healed and delivered multitudes that came to them, and it even says immediately a few times. Luke 5:13, 18:43, Acts 9:34. But immediate relief can’t become our only or main expectation of how God works, because scripture talks a LOT about waiting, and trusting, and enduring. Whether its 40 years in the desert, or many years in prison, or decades in exile… story after story shows God’s children living through circumstances that scream the opposite to what God has promised. I look to these stories and am bewildered by the length of time God’s people spent imprisoned or exiled or oppressed, and yet continued to believe and declare that God was their Faithful Deliverer – generations passed on their faith to following generations before seeing that deliverance. They knew faith, trust and patience in a way that I don’t – and that I need.
We must be equipped to be patient and to wait on God, to trust in Him as we live through realities that are the opposite of what He has promised, until those promises are fulfilled. We must be able to trust His faithfulness towards us and not lose hope when time lags on. To believe that He will do what He says, that He is who He says He is. Especially if we are in a world that is closer to the end times than the beginning times – if so, trial is not going anywhere but is guaranteed to become more intense. Thanks to the psalms, we know we can express our frustrations of these circumstances to God. We don’t have to pretend that we are something we aren’t – if we are upset or confused or frustrated or feel like its been too long, we are allowed to say so! But in all the ones I’ve been reading, the psalmists do come back to that place of declaring God is faithful, good, unfailing, and will bring about justice on behalf of His children. Here is one example. Psalm 131 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? 2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? 3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. 5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. 6 I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me. These following verses are very encouraging to me - they remind us that God is the Almighty in control, that His timing is well and truly within that control, and He will faithfully bring about what He has promised. Remember that He WILL restore you. Daniel 7: 22 21 As I watched, this horn was waging war against the holy people and defeating them, 22 until the Ancient of Days came and pronounced judgment in favor of the holy people of the Most High, and the time came when they possessed the kingdom. Habakkuk 2:3 The Lord replied; “For the revelation (the “revelation” refers to justice being brought about for the righteous) awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.” Psalm 31:14-16, 18, 2414 But I trust in you, Lord; I say, “You are my God.” 15 My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me. 16 Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love… Praise be to the Lord, for he showed me the wonders of his love when I was in a city under siege… Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord. Malachi 3:16-17 The Faithful Remnant 16 Then those who feared the Lord talked with each other, and the Lord listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the Lord and honored his name. 17 “On the day when I act,” says the Lord Almighty, “they will be my treasured possession. I will spare them, just as a father has compassion and spares his son who serves him. 18 And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not. Psalm 27:13-14 I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Want more? Zephaniah 3:17-20, Nahum 2:2, Genesis 39:20-21, Micah 7:7-8 In May I spoke at the MST Chapel on Habakkuk and I thought I would share here some of what I shared there… partly to remind myself, as well as maybe it can encourage you.
Habakkuk 3:17-19 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. A quick overview is important here: This book is a conversation between Habakkuk and God. Habakkuk is complaining. He says; Justice is perverted! I’m calling out to you and you are silent – are you going to allow this? What are you going to do about it? God says, don’t stress, I am doing something about it, I’m raising up the Babylonians, and they are going to wipe out this evil. Habakkuk feels like the situation isn’t changing quick enough and so he complains again: But God, the wicked prosper, they destroy the righteous, are you really going to allow this to continue? God says; be patient, they will surely get what they deserve, and woe to them! Habakkuk considers this and decides not to complain again. He instead writes a song – and talks about how amazing God is and how He is to be feared. And He says, even though life sucks at the moment, while the wicked prosper and I am waiting for God’s deliverance, I will praise the name of my God, and I will find my joy in HIM!! It’s a beautiful story of how faith evolves through trials. We start in a place of discontent, frustration at the circumstances. The story shows how God consoles us and comforts us in our trials and tells us not to let go of His promises. And how we wrestle with this, and to and fro with God about it… but eventually come to peace with God’s perspective… and remember how great He is… and that nothing else matters… and we praise His name. And when we can shift our focus to worshiping God, during trial, we find in Him the love that sustains and brings great joy. This is the point of so many of our trials. God wants to show us that He sustains us the way nothing else can. He wants to show us that His love is better than life – He wants us to grow to a place where we can say like Paul, “I count everything as loss compared to knowing you.” How well do you know Christ’s love? Here’s another question. When you look at the verse above, do you see a picture of success or failure? From an earthly perspective it would be very easy to assume that everything has failed. But when God looks at Habakkuk, what does he see? Does He see empty stalls and no crops, thinking Habakkuk has failed? Or does He see faith that has persevered through trial and has found a way to praise God despite what’s going wrong? Does God not count this as great success? Whatever you are going through, if you are feeling like nothing is working and all the doors are closed and you have nothing to show for your labour and things have been stripped back so you are functioning with nothing – you are not a failure. God prizes faith as your most valuable asset. (Not your crops.) And what kind of faith? Faith that loves and praises Jesus no matter what. Sometimes we might feel like we have very little faith because we’ve prayed our best and seen no change come. We look at people who pray and the circumstances change and we think, what amazing faith! Yes. But if you can lose everything… and still praise God, you have faith that the Bible says is worth more than gold. (1 Peter 1:7) Think about that! Gold is pretty valuable! Entire empires are built on the presence and abundance of gold! Australia is essentially founded on gold! And God says faith that perseveres through trial is worth more than this. It is a greater foundation, on which is built the Kingdom of God; a place where God’s Spirit resides and rules. I want that! I was sitting picturing Jesus next to me the other day, and felt strongly he wanted to show Himself to me as a carpenter. ‘Remember? I’m a carpenter,’ he said. So I watched him and he had some wood and was doing some things, joining the wood together… then, he said, ‘Look, honey,’ to me – and he started painting the wood with honey. Needless to say, I was like, ahhhh what are you doing? He smiled at me. And I felt really challenged, would I sit there and wait and watch Him, did I think this would go anywhere? Did he really know what He was doing? I felt myself going to my brain to diagnose the meaning – what did honey symbolise? What did honey and wood together symbolise, how was this going to come together to be a profound revelation? Hang on a second!! I’m trying to work God out again using my own understanding, my puny little perspective.
Will I trust that He knows what He’s doing when it doesn’t make sense to me at all? When it seems as ridiculous as coating wood with honey? God took us to Niger, I planted myself there, the nation is in my heart now, deeply imbedded. But it was hard, and we need time to refuel. We want to work some things out so we can have a more thriving than surviving experience next time we go. Now He has brought us home, and given us an all consuming task right here; since Brad’s dad has passed away there is a shifted focus. Time and thoughts spent on the farm with all its ongoing tasks, on grief, on supporting family. We have had little contact with you - churches and supporters… little headspace to share experiences of Niger. What is He doing? And what is He wanting from us at this time? Well, I found this image the other day which seemed to sum it up nicely for me. With the desert just behind us, it’s time for a rest and a drink from the West. Maybe it looks indulgent. But it’s what we need, and what God’s inviting us into right now. Thanks for being patient with us. Getting pulled over by the cops is something every ex-pat in Niger dreads. There is a lot of corruption that influences the motives behind a police officer pulling over a rich westerner… But when I heard about it all, in my heart I said no. I said, I’m calling on your favour, Lord, I believe you are going to favour me on the roads here, and that I’m not going to get pulled over unfairly, get wrongly accused, or demanded to bribe. God totally honoured this prayer. There are a few quite funny stories, about Belle charming the policemen in French and smiles and them laughingly sending me on my way without even checking my papers… but a few days before we left the country was a pearler. It was a female police officer who pulled me over and wanted to check my papers. I was friendly, as normal, and without thinking, I complimented her on her jewellery. Those who know me will know this is pretty standard, I wasn’t trying to suck up. She looked at me for a moment and told me to wait… because she was giving it to me!! Hahahaha… she took off her necklace and her earrings, and gave them both to me, and told me to have a good day. I said thanks, and may God bless you! I’m telling you, this felt like such a cool send off after 18 months. It definitely hadn’t been an easy year and a half. But here was a random gift, from a Nigerien woman, and even though she didn’t know it, I decided God was saying something through her. I decided he was saying, “Thanks Andy, I totally value what you’ve given me while you’ve been here.” Isn't He a cool Father?
The sky is blue and the clouds are beautiful. I’m staring at it, every day, thinking how beautiful it is. Realising that I didn’t have it for 18 months. Sometimes you don’t know what you’ve been missing until you find it again. I was used to the dusty hues of Niger sky, blending into the houses made of the mud the same colour as the sand… everything a different shade of dust. I remember arriving and feeling like it was harder to breathe in Niger than in Australia… I remember months of wanting to get out into some kind of treed area out of town to breathe deeply and clearly. But I can’t believe how good it actually is, to be able to see the blue of the sky, and breathe it in, as long and deep as you want.
Surprisingly there’s not much culture shock coming back to Australia on this occasion. Now and then I am discovering things are ridiculous… there was a news report about a woman getting mauled by a dog in Perth… however many hundred kilometres away. It seems ridiculous to me because of several reasons. I’m hearing about it through a tv, rather than in person, and I don’t know the woman; it’s not a friend of a neighbour or a brother’s boss. It’s ridiculous to me because of how many hundreds of kids and adults are not just “attacked by a dog,” but die every day in Niger without anybody knowing why; there are no autopsies, they are buried within 24hrs – often within an hour or two. But the reasons why are awful, not just on the poverty front of people unable to afford treatment for malaria or other diseases, but it is very common that men are poisoned by their wives, or children’s souls were eaten by a witchdoctor, and they die within the day… for example. But no one ever hears about that, hundreds of kilometres away… nobody thinks it’s worth putting in a news story. When horrible becomes normal. I bet a lot of people can instantly imagine a situation where this is true. If you don’t know what you’re missing, how do you even know how horrible your normal is? I hope we might have shown some people, some children, that horrible doesn’t have to be normal. That there is more beyond their experience of life so far. There is hope, there is love. I still want to show that to people here, too – trapped within their own kind of horrible, even though they live in a beautiful country. Darkness is in every culture. But Jesus has set us on fire, people, and we are the light of the world. We are the star that points to Jesus, to the one who took horrible on His own shoulders, so we could be set free from it. This beautiful family are Christians out in the village, their father a firey evangelist after leaving the ways of Islam behind after some powerful dreams. Brad was visiting this family and saw that the daughter had received a Christmas shoebox from a lovely old couple in America, who'd written a beautiful note praying for the girl. He took this photo and found the couple's daughter on FB, and was able to show them where their shoebox ended up! What a treat. This is our little friend 'Lola' who is the daughter of our other dear friend, 'Josh'. He works in town (where we live) and she has lived her first 7 years in the Fulani village an hour away, until he brought her to town for school this year and since he is not yet married, she is regularly at our place and calls me 'Ina' - mum. This is her first experience of a pool, and I wondered whether she would be afraid but as soon as she saw it she jumped straight in! Thankfully I'd got a floaty ring on her first. Some things for kids are just instinct! This was a very fun afternoon. Time for a nap, at the market, on my potatoes... so no one steals them. This is Belle with some of the kids at the orphanage. She is amazing at making friends with anyone and everyone immediately. Everyone loves her (and she knows it). I love the look on her face in this photo, she is so relaxed and looks like she's at home. It makes me think it's what she's made for.
And here we all our with pancakes for lunch. Hunter excitedly showing his real army compass that dad found at a garage sale of American missionaries leaving. This is where we eat every day!! Sending you all big love. xxxx
I had a chat with my African friend this morning, who is a Christian. We differ on a few views. It’s his daughter’s birthday this week, and he wants to do a party for her, inviting the whole street to his boutique, and showing the Jesus film, and no doubt he will preach afterwards, possibly offending many of his muslim neighbours, possibly speaking to people’s hearts, possibly welcomed, possibly rejected. I said wow you have big ideas. I said sometimes we have different methods. For example, we don’t focus on ‘becoming a Christian’ – what is a Christian even? There are many Christians here that are in fact not at all following Jesus – they practice magic arts and have a love of money or a love of women… there are many problems. Personally, we try not to cause any more division between Muslim and Christian, “us” and “them” - we want to encourage people to follow Jesus, just as we are trying to follow Jesus… have you read the book “Speaking of Jesus – the art of non-evangelism” by Carl Medearis?
He went on to talk about the difference between being a Christian here and being a Christian in ‘Europe’ – although he was referring to the western church, and did refer to us. We don’t have any worries of being hungry, being sick, not being able to pay for our home. To be a Christian in Africa is very different and very difficult, he says. To be praying to God but distracted with how to get enough money to pay rent, or to try and pray but have an empty stomache. No, I don’t know what that’s like. I can’t compare my faith to theirs. There is so much I don’t understand. Walking back I am approached by a friend asking for money, for the bus fare back to his village. There is only two out of literally all our local friends (a quick head count is more than 15) who has not asked us for money – usually to borrow, but never pay back. No matter what we do, we will never be seen as equal. Our white skin declares financial security, an obligation to share our finances with those we are in community with. My faith is seen as easy, because I have food and money and a home. Is it? Why is the only thing valued that I give, money? There is no point saying that we give love and friendship but keep our wallets to ourselves – it is a contradiction in this culture. If you are friends, you share money. We love to be generous, but we want to be wise, and then there are lots of times where it feels like a punch in the guts and that’s all I’m good for. I didn’t come to Niger to give money?! I came to give Jesus! What did Jesus do? He didn’t give money, that is recorded. But then He possibly didn’t have any to give – he didn’t live in a nice house with a room for each member of the family. We are supposed to buy furniture when we come back, the house we are in is currently furnished by SIM furniture that we rent. So we have begun a little – a bed for each of the kids. But then our friend comes to visit and he is working like a slave at the hospital earning the equivalent of $2 a day, to feed his family and pay rent and never mind the rest. So he is hungry, and so are his family. So it makes you feel bad to go and buy a couch. Even though we were going to buy a second hand one for a third of the price, and even though we have already lent/given this friend the same amount of money as the couch would cost. But now there is no peace in buying a couch. Will any of these things ever be reconcilable? I doubt it. A constant tension. A constant comparison. All manner of benchmarks in the bible – take your pick. And soon we will be back in Australia, dramatically inundated with wealth. I am so keen for weetbix and sausages and cheese and icecream and chocolate. And my friends will tell me I deserve it, I’ve been living in the desert for 18months. But I don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve anything. Do the people that live here and don’t eat deserve it? What are your thoughts? Donkeys get treated so badly here – they are whacked with big sticks constantly, given hardly any food or water, worked hard. If you ask any locals they say this is how the donkey must be treated, this is how he is effective. I think they assume this because the donkey never argues back – it is a peaceful, patient animal, with no malice in its nature to retaliate.
It brings new light to the idea that Jesus chose to ride in on a donkey, as he entered a week where he would be beaten continually, choosing not to retaliate, accepting the brutality of man with patience, endurance, humility… with peace. There is a verse that struck me as I read this story again this weekend. It is when Jesus weeps over Jerusalem, because; “You did not recognise the time of God’s coming to you.” (Luke 19:43) They didn’t recognise that God was coming to them in the form of Jesus, in the form of humility and peace and suffering. It is an upside down concept to those wanting physical, social freedom such as the Jews at the time. They didn’t recognise that by dying, their King was conquering. So much of God’s wisdom and ways are upside down to our earthly perspectives. The verse struck me because I felt like it was a warning. I don’t want to be one of the ones that doesn’t recognise God’s coming! God at work, His voice or His will… because I am so used to looking at my days with my earthly eyes. “Has God not made foolish the wisdom of the world?” 1 Cor 1:20 “But the wisdom that comes from Heaven is first of all pure, then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” James 3:17 God, give us the wisdom that comes from Heaven, give us eyes to recognise you coming to us – your Kingdom at work and how we can join you. May we stay close to you so we can lean our ear towards you and hear the desires of your heart. Sometimes I wonder if people think that because we’ve answered the call to mission overseas that we are in a continual state of obedience and favour with God just by being here. This is so not the case. It is true that it took a number of years and a lot of guts to finally obey the call to Niger, but that hasn’t exempted me from needing to be obedient every day whilst living here. I can live here, since I moved here, but just living isn’t fulfilling the call. The call is daily obedience.
Before I had my kids I had dreamt of them, so I knew I would be having a boy and a girl very close in age. When I had Belle in my arms in the first week or so and watched Hunter running around the lounge room, I had a wonderful sense that I’d done it - I was on track with what God had prepared in advance for me to do. But it didn’t stop there – it will never stop, I am their mother for their and my whole lifetime, which means a daily and moment by moment choice to try and love them the way God asks me to. (All mums will know that’s easier said than done.) I arrived here, Heidi Baker as my idol, having some grand idea that I would become her. Finally I was among the poor and needy children, ready to save them out of their tragic destiny and offer them hope, ready to give my all and spend myself on behalf of what Christ has done for me, speaking His goodness and acting in love to heal the hurting and broken. It didn’t take long to realise I wasn’t her, but I fought with the expectation for quite a while. As usual my head is filled with ideals about how God can use me. I am a wonderful person, we are good parents, why don’t we just adopt more children so I can be generous with the blessed family He’s given me and change some lives?? Like a door slammed in my face, a balloon farting out its air, the reality of my capacity arrives. I can barely keep up with looking after the two children he’s given me. I have a migraine for a day and a half and suddenly there’s no food in the cupboard, no one has clean clothes, and everyone’s wanting the Andy they’ve missed. There is the reality of wanting to close my gate and not let 20 kids run around the yard pulling out flowers and vegies. The reality of giving to one and then 10 more arrive wanting the same. The reality of my own walk with God, which has not yet seemed to take the form of all-sufficient, and so I get tired and grumpy and have nothing left to give. If I’m here for His plans and purposes, what is the daily obedience? I think often of the verse; “Taking hold of that for which Christ took hold of me.” Phil 3:12 - knowing that He has specifically taken hold of me for the ministry of reconciliation: reconciling the world to Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:18-19) But how? Is there a set of things to accomplish? If I’m not Heidi, what does Andy’s life as a missionary look like? Where do I look to – what do I follow? The out workings of God’s heart in faith filled lives are as numerous as the parts of the body. Note the intended reference – as Brad mentioned in his last blog. Thankfully, the answer is where the answer is always found. In Jesus. He said HE is the way, the truth and the life. HE HIMSELF is the way. What does that mean? It means, if you are standing at the start of a maze with a thousand twists and turns, that Jesus is the only one who knows the way, and the only way to find it is by following him very closely every step of the way. He won’t stand back and tell you where to go, He won’t give you a map and leave you to work it out, He won’t wait at the end unseen and yell at you so you might work out the path. No, no, no. He will go one step before you, He will hold you by your hand. If you stubbornly resist, He is patient. Everyone’s maze is different. The only one who knows the way through your maze is Jesus. The only way to find the right path is to hold His hand, to stay close to Him, to turn when He turns, to stop when He stops, to run when He runs, to rest when He rests, and to keep on doing it until the very end. So what does that mean? It means; talking to Him, listening to Him, seeking His presence, reading His word and learning His character; so you can identify when He is speaking or doing something and inviting you into it. It means that knowing Him is an unavoidable basis for knowing the way. “I will take hold of your hand.” Isaiah 42:6 “For your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth.” Psalm 26:4 “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” Psalm 23:4 “If the Lord delights in a man’s way, He will make his steps firm. Though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand.” Psalm 37:23-24 “I am the way, the truth and the life.” John 14:6 “Follow me.” Matthew 4:19 “And surely I am with you always, until the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:20 |
AuthorWe are Brad, Andy, Hunter and Belle. Hoping to keep you connected! Archives
May 2019
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